In the silence of forgetting, love speaks the loudest

It is the force that transcends time, distance, and even the cruel grasp of illness, surviving in the quiet moments when a shared smile can momentarily bring back the world that once was.

What is love? Nature's irresistible force, ensuring life continues in an eternal circle against which no heart can defend itself.

For centuries, it has stirred the souls of poets, painters, and philosophers. It is often entwined with beauty - a pulse that never fades, a blush where a rose blooms, a fleeting smile across a crowded room, a tender kiss under a soft, moonlit sky.

Love cannot be bottled or bought; it is a gift freely given from the heart - worth more than any treasure - the truest form of wealth.

In the end, the size of our farm, home, car, or bank account will mean nothing, but those who have loved and been loved will be richly blessed. A Galilean with a beard once echoed that truth.

Yet even when love is tested by the darkest of trials, it endures.

Alzheimer’s - the cruel disease that robs us of hope and memory, stripping away the essence of who we are, and making us forget those we hold dear - can steal so much, but it cannot take away love.

Though it is death by a thousand cuts, and the silent thief may take our minds, love remains, stronger than the forgetting, a bond that even memory cannot sever.

It endures in the quiet moments, in the care and devotion shared, reminding us that love outlasts all else.

Billy Nixon, 70, a former Merchant Navy member from Enniskillen and well-known chef across Fermanagh, has been happily married to Elizabeth for 42 years.

But their lives were turned upside down from 2019 to 2020 when Elizabeth was first diagnosed with the onset of dementia.

“It was the happiest day of my life - the day I first laid eyes on Elizabeth,” said Billy, speaking to the Impartial Reporter in his lovely home in Cherryville, Enniskillen.

“She is the love of my life, and the house is just so empty without her. We had no children, and we were so close; we did everything together, and it is like losing a part of yourself, leaving a hole in your heart. And now she does not even know who she is or who I am, and we were so much to each other. It is something that you just can’t really cope with.”

Recalling happier times, Fintona native Billy got a job as an assistant cook at the Erne Hospital in Enniskillen for £20 in September 1973, when he was just 19.

He worked there until 1988 when he became assistant head chef.

Billy found his true love and soulmate when he met Elizabeth Acheson, 64, in the early 1970s.

Both worked at the Erne Hospital - Billy as a chef, and Elizabeth, from Florencecourt, as a staff nurse.

“I met Elizabeth in the hospital, and she was just over 17. She was filling in for another nurse who was on maternity leave. The first time I saw her was in the linen room, where you got your clean uniforms back from the laundry, and we got chatting. I said to the boys, ‘There’s a quare nice wee lassie down there,’ and they said she would have nothing to do with a buck like me,” he quipped.

“Elizabeth then moved to the dining room, which was close to the kitchen, so things progressed.”

When asked what attracted him to Elizabeth, he said: “Well, she was and is a very pleasant person and a good-looking girl, and we got very friendly. I was 23, and she was 17 going on 18. She went away to train in Dundonald around 1977, and it took four years.

"She did her General Nursing and her Children’s Nursing. She loved children but sadly, we had none of our own. She was truly a nurse at heart and a great carer.”

Elizabeth adored children and was well-regarded for her kindness.

Billy and Elizabeth married on September 4, 1982, when he was 28 and she was 22. They were wed in Florencecourt, with the reception at the Brooklands Hotel in Ballinamallard.

Elizabeth began working at the Erne Hospital that same year.

“She always had a calm way about her,” Billy added, recalling how Elizabeth treated people with kindness, no matter the situation.

“She was so patient, especially with children, and even though we never had any of our own, she treated every child like they were special.”

Elizabeth took early retirement at 55 when the stresses of A&E became too much for her sensitive soul.

She had a breakdown and was moved to work in Outpatients.

Billy recalls how Elizabeth would discreetly help others, and many things he learned about her kindness only came from others after the fact.

“She used to pay out of her own pocket for some patients to get home safely, especially those who might’ve had too much to drink,” Billy shared.

“She never talked about it, but I’d hear it from others. That was the kind of person she was.”

However, by 2018, Elizabeth had begun to notice troubling signs.

“She’d forget small things at first, but she thought it was just a reaction to the anti-depressants she was taking at the time,” Billy said.

“She kept it to herself for a while, but when she started forgetting more, she became worried.”

In 2019, Elizabeth was diagnosed with dementia, a day Billy says he will “never forget". 

“They read her a story and asked her to remember parts of it, and she couldn’t do it. It broke my heart, and I know it broke hers. My mother had dementia, and I thought it was just memory loss, but I never imagined all the other terrible things that would happen. I never realised how much it would steal from her.”

Despite the very best efforts of all the services, Billy was faced with the unenviable decision to put his beloved Elizabeth into a care home.

“It was a very difficult time,” he said, adding that her condition worsened when she entered Millcroft for respite.

“It wasn’t long after she went in that she couldn’t walk or eat properly anymore. It was devastating to see her like that.”

Billy still visits her every day at 2pm, and her sister, Viola, comes in the evening.

“Sometimes she smiles…she always had a beautiful smile, and she talks, but it makes no sense."

Elizabeth’s family and friends, many of whom are former colleagues, still visit her regularly, a testament to the love that surrounds her.

Viola, close to Elizabeth, said: “You’re losing the person, yet they’re still physically there.”

Viola also paid a heartfelt tribute to the support Elizabeth receives and urged the government to recognise Alzheimer’s as the leading cause of death in the UK, pleading for more resources for sufferers and their families.

Billy shared: “She loved her work, and she loved people. I think that’s what made this so much harder, to see someone so full of life reduced to this. We still tried to get on with life at first, going on visits, but things changed so quickly. She started seeing things in doors and mirrors, talking to photographs. It was like she was disappearing before my eyes.”

Later, on a sunny Wednesday afternoon, when Billy came into the room at the Millcroft, Elizabeth smiled from two beautiful blue eyes, and for a fleeting second, they were together again, young and invincible, in love - with the world at their feet - for a second... then the moment faded, like a fleeting breeze.

"It’s not the Elizabeth I know, but sometimes, for a split second, I see her in those smiles," says Billy.

If you or a loved one is affected by Alzheimer’s, help is available. Contact Alzheimer's Society Northern Ireland for support, guidance, and resources: 0333 150 3456, nihelpline@alzheimers.org.uk, or on www.alzheimers.org.uk. You're not alone.