Monesha Talreja on rising male violence against women

That’s whether it's your run-of-the-mill incident of sexual harassment on a night out, or whether they get brutally murdered walking down the street. But how did we get here?

The rampant misogyny that some young men have has increasingly started debilitating our society, and destroying it from the inside out.

When citizens start worrying about the possibility of getting brutally stabbed in broad daylight being no longer an unrealistic fear, it must be questioned how we failed our women so badly.

The rise in violent behaviour from some men has been at an unprecedented high, and the glorification of sexual violence has had an immense impact on increasing that figure.

Pornography is one of the leading components of how we’ve got here. We are all aware that many children experience regular exposure to sexual images, as a plethora of media news stories and articles emphasise.

As a young woman, I am painfully aware of real instances of children as young as seven bringing porn in to school.

This instils a harmful mindset for some of these children, particularly boys, when they grow up: that women mostly exist as sex objects made for them to be used for pleasure, and then discarded.

Some young men are completely desensitised to the actual personhood of women, viewing them no longer as people, but rather, for example, whether they are good in bed, or not.

Pornography is filled with ideas that male dominance and aggression are the ‘normal’ way to engage in intercourse.

International research, for example, from the Australian Institute of Family Studies, states that “in particular, the physical aggression (slapping, choking, gagging, hair pulling) and verbal aggression such as name-calling)” has led to a rise in problematic sexual behaviour exhibited by some young males.

This adversely impacts young women as they are growing up in a social culture, where they may be considered ‘prudes’ and ‘boring’ if they do not want to partake in such acts and get violently assaulted in bed.

The normalisation of violent behaviour towards women in any capacity reveals that women are being groomed to ‘take it’ as they try to distance themselves from the possibility that they are ‘boring’ and ‘vanilla’ girls.

Some may argue that women make autonomous decisions, and that this is ‘their choice’; however, we must consider that our actions are not made in a vacuum, but rather are a product of a multitude of factors.

These include the social conditions that have impacted men and women and led to an increasing overt sexualisation of women that has become normalised.

Moreover, it is no longer considered inappropriate for some of young males to spread such vitriol online as they shamelessly comment on young girls’ posts online with derogatory remarks, stating they must be ‘fatherless’, and an OnlyFans model, in reference to the subscriptions-supported site where explicit content can be published.

When women, in general, are reduced by some men to being mere objects to insult and abuse – with no or few repercussions – we can see a societal decline at play around us.

The Women’s Movement has suffered a blow as many women are no longer beginning to be seen as autonomous individuals, but rather, once again seen as a mere extension of the men around them.

Choosing not to be the embodiment of what men desire, but making their own choices, means that they may be demeaned by some men about every facet of their lives.

In my experience, it’s now more common for some teenage boys to violently hate women than to actually respect them.

A hatred of female spaces and female-dominated activities is another component of why there is a national emergency.

If hatred of women becomes a normal aspect of our lives, then the violence that follows these women is no longer an unexplainable phenomenon.

Such a hatred of women allows violent men to justify their actions that may lead to the senseless killing of women.

The fact that 50 women have been killed since the start of 2024 in the United Kingdom (according to The Guardian) at the hands of a man demonstrates that such women are not a statistic to be brushed off.

They reflect the painful reality that violence against women is a national emergency, and is no longer an awkward topic that we must hush about.

Our passivity allows this unchecked violence to continue.

It is no doubt awkward to talk to a 12-year-old boy about the nuances of gendered violence, and the role he will play in his future relationships.

Nonetheless, it is even more awkward when you find out that your 16-year-old son calls girls “s**ts”, and other such misogynistic terms.

This emotional labour – of raising important but uncomfortable subjects – should not just fall on the shoulders of the women that surround these men, but by all men.

Intrinsically, I believe all men benefit from the actions of violent men.

Through the existence of the ‘infringed man’ – someone who believes that Feminism has impacted his manhood, and feels at odd with Society – we expect to see such social pariahs’ opposite, the ‘good guy’, who does not hate women.

But what is such ‘goodness’ worth if such good men don’t commit to any tangible action to help make Society safer for women?

To be clear: I do not think that all men desire to kill women.

However, I believe most do not largely care about the crisis of male violence against women because they just do not have to.

According to a King’s College London study, one in six young men aged under 29 say Feminism has done more harm than good.

How are young women supposed to grow up feeling safe and secure in their future when their peers have become increasingly radicalised, and spaces for these women have started to suffocate them?

An Ulster University survey (2023) found that 98 per cent of women surveyed have experienced violence or abuse in their lifetime.

The sheer fact that almost all women in Northern Ireland have experienced abuse reveals that we undeniably still live in a time where Society is not committed to making an equitable place for all women.