Brian D'Arcy: Those facing suicidal thoughts need more help

Whatever the reason, depression is more prevalent this year. Many people are chronically ill, and both young and old will be in danger of taking their own life. Too many already have.

Suicide is a tragedy that devastates a family and a community. Everyone feels guilty in some way, not realising it is impossible to make sense of a senseless act.

Suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem.

No one knows for sure what was in the minds of those who took their own lives; it is impossible to explain fully why it happened.

Life becomes difficult for those who remain after suicide. There’s the pain of grief; there are so many ‘whys’, most of which we will never unravel on this earth.

They say trying to understand suicide is like trying to complete a jigsaw puzzle with three pieces missing. The picture is never complete.

Most of us have no idea what depth of pain led a person to such a dark place; feeling no solution was visible or possible. For them, there was no other way out.

We may see alternatives, but their depression is so intense, and the dark hole so deep, that solutions disappear.

You have to accept that you have no control over what your loved ones did.

If you had, they would still be alive.

Understand what you can change; accept what you cannot change since it is beyond your control.

But don’t throw away your life worrying about why your loved one threw away their life.

Learn to talk, feel, listen, and laugh – one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

Henry Nouwen was a world-famous Dutch Catholic priest, a superb writer, and a spiritual mentor.

He suffered from chronic depression, even though he was a skilled counsellor. It drove him to the edge of life on many occasions.

While in a treatment centre for a mental breakdown, he wrote a very powerful book, ‘The Inner Voice of Love’, and in it, he shared the efforts and struggles he had dealing with his depression.

He wrote about the times he felt completely overwhelmed by his pain. The only thing he could do was cry.

After much self-searching, he found his inner strength and emerged, ready to engage with life again with renewed strength.

Remarking on his return to good mental health, he wrote that, in the end, “our hearts are stronger than our wounds” – what an insight!

Sometimes, though, those wounds and that pain can overpower the human heart, and sometimes, there are storms in our lives that we cannot weather.

The heart, as much love as there may be, can no longer cope with the depth of pain.

Eventually, it collapses under the weight of inner suffering and convinces us of things that are not true – mainly, that friends and loved ones would be better off without us.

If you find yourself thinking like that, ask for help immediately.

Remember, there are inner resources which can get us through life's impossible patches. We do have coping mechanisms within, which often remain untapped, with tragic consequences.

The important thing to remember is that we are never lost and never alone in our despair.

We still have a Higher Power by our side. I fully believe God’s unconditional love for us remains because of our wounds, failures and depression.

Some of you may have personal experience of what I am talking about. You may have been on that cliff edge, holding on for dear life, and knew the darkness of that despair.

Thankfully, you could access that inner strength buried beneath your personal wounds, and those lifeboats enabled you to live again with strength and hope.

But maybe the person who took their life just wasn’t so lucky, and couldn’t access their inner strength.

Their inner wounds, whatever they were, pierced their hearts so that they didn’t comprehend the love and support they had around them.

Their brokenness was like a terminal collapse where they could not envisage any healing, any light or hope in this life; that’s a really sad place to be.

But God (or your Higher Power) enlightens us if we have the energy to ask for help.

I believe God has a special love for anyone who shares the dark night of suffering like His Son endured on The Cross for us.

God will bring them to a place of peace and healing, and while the storms of life overpowered them, they now understand more clearly their own goodness.

Those still struggling and those consumed by grief must hold on and reach down a little deeper, allowing God to find them.

They will discover that God’s love is stronger than their brokenness.

And if that means seeking help, please do so. Many well-organised charities and individual mentors are only too willing to lend a shoulder.

We do really need to rid ourselves, as a society, of that stigma that says ‘men don’t talk’.

It’s time to bin our cruel, disabling attitudes towards suicide. As a society, we genuinely need to accept and support the notion that it is okay not to be okay; that it is okay to say, "I’m not okay".

There is no need to be ashamed to say it out loud. Rather, it is essential to do so.

We must be courageous and respond to those words when we hear them.

And if we are to stop this pandemic of suicides, it means we take seriously the mental ill-health that devastates the vulnerable here and all over the world.

I plead with our political and medical leaders to unite and use their resources to create a more welcoming society that cares about the most vulnerable and values every life equally.